33 Reasons John McCain Will Be President

On Feb 5th, during his post Super-Tuesday election speech John McCain said;

I think it's fair to say that we might have come a little bit closer to today to the day when mothers in Arizona might be able to tell their children that someday they could grow up to be president of the United States.

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This made me think of three things. One, have Arizona mom's been telling their kids they can't grow up to be president until now? Two, do we really want another president who mangles the English language. And three, John McCain is destined to be the next president of the United States.

You see, Arizona is one of the states's on the 33rd parallel, the geographic latitude that defines the heart of the South. This makes him the odds on favorite to win the next election.

In post-World War II America, the President of the United States needs to come from a state on this line of important southern distinction; Texas (Ike, LBJ, the torture president and his CIA dad), Southern California (Ronnie and Tricky Dick), Arkansas (Bubba), and Georgia (Jimmy Carter).

This isn't an absolute rule, of course. John Kennedy, FDR, Gerald Ford, and Harry Truman were the exceptions. Some of you might note that Gerald Ford and Harry Truman were 33 degree recipients of Charleston's Scottish Rite. I suppose you can throw these two into the formula also, as they appear to be sympathetic to the cause.

Roosevelt and Kennedy's success shows that the 33 degree parallel requirement is not an insurmountable obstacle to getting elected. But then again, both men died in office, meeting their fate on the 33 degree parallel.